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Wishing Well

JustOneThingThis is from Rick Hanson’s Just One Thing. I really liked it.

 

Wishing well?

 

 

The Practice 

Bless.

Why?

Lately, I’ve been wondering what would be on my personal list of top five practices (all tied for first place). You might ask yourself the same question, knowing that you can cluster related practices under a single umbrella, your list may differ from mine, and your practices may change over time.

In these JOTS, the first 2 of my top practices are:
Meditate - Mindfulness, training attention, contemplation, concentration, absorption, non-ordinary consciousness, liberating insight
* Take in the good (in three chapters excerpted from my book, Just One Thing) – Recognize the brain’s negativity bias (Velcro for the bad, Teflon for the good), see good facts in the world and in yourself, be intimate with your experience, have and enrich and absorb positive experiences (turning mental states into neural traits, good moments into a great brain), let positive soothe and replace negative

My third practice is bless, which means see what’s tender and beautiful, and wish well. (For some, this word has religious connotations, but I’m not using it that way.) Blessing includes compassion, kindness, appreciating, honoring, non-harming, warmth, cherishing, and love; you can see I’m using this word broadly. It’s leaning toward pain rather than away, helping rather than harming, giving rather than withholding, opening and extending rather than closing and contracting, wishing well rather than ill, delighting in rather than finding fault. You can bless others, the world, and yourself – and any parts of any of these.

Blessing is obviously good for others and the world, and that’s plenty reason to offer it. As a bonus, it’s also good for you. It strengthens gratitude and gladness, opens your heart, deepens connection, and tends to evoke good treatment from others. You experience people and the world as blessed rather than threatening, disappointing, or rejecting. By blessing, you feel blessed.

 

How?

Deliberately feel warmly toward someone while wishing him or her well – that he or she not suffer, and be truly happy. Also be aware of a benevolence toward others, looking for good things in them. Use this to know what the act and the attitude of blessing feels like, and to take in the experience of it so you can call upon it in the future.

To bless someone, see their goodness, efforts, hopes, suffering, and what’s neat about them. Let yourself be touched, moving past the idea and the should of blessing to the experience itself. Feel a warmth, a kindness. You can express good wishes with actions – a touch, a door opened, a charitable gift – or words (e.g., “may you be at peace, may you be loved”), or inside your heart alone.

Blessing means not harming, hurting, criticizing, or dismissing; if any of these is present, blessing isn’t. Don’t let blessing feed a subtle superiority, the bless-er who is better than the bless-ee. Let others be who they are, and don’t presume you know what they need. In the moment of true blessing, there’s little if any sense of self, of I-me-mine. You bless for them, not for yourself.

Bless people you know, and also bless strangers. It’s powerful to look at someone passing on the street, get a sense of the person, and then wish him or her well. See what happens when you bless people who have really helped you, friends and family, even people who are difficult for you. See what it’s like to deliberately offer compassion, kindness, prizing, or love. You can also bless parts of yourself – your pain, your darkness, your light – as well as yourself as a whole.

Do blessing deliberately. And over time, be blessing. It becomes where you come from, your ground and natural inclination.

You can be pressed and stressed and still bless. Find your warmth and good wishes amidst the mental clutter, like hearing wind chimes outside amidst storm and rain. But also take care of yourself. It’s hard to bless if you feel bad. Blessing does not mean approving; you can wish people well while also disengaging from them.

Fundamentally, blessing means treating another person as a “thou” not an “it,” not a means to your ends. Think of “thou” as a verb. To bless people is to thou them.

Letgo — one word

Wonderful words from Spirituality & Health on the concept of letgo–one word.

Letting Go

Illustration Credit: Sleeping Lion by Kelly Louise Judd

Letting Go of “Letting Go”

The art of moving into the peaceful state of Letgo

by Mike Verano

After thirty years in the mental health profession, I have grown leery of psychological catchphrases. Sure, they make good headings on posters and coffee mugs, and as personal mantras they can even have a stabilizing and healing effect. However, much of the time these Neo-Freudian one-liners have all the sincerity of political sound bites and the illuminating power of an Itty Bitty book light. One of the reasons for their continued use is that quipping “It is what it is” is far easier than trying to untangle someone else’s life when your own feels like a ball of yarn at a kitten festival.

One tried-and-true piece of sagely advice that does seem to have stood the test of time, unlike “Heal your inner child,” is “You just need to let go.” I know this to be the case because, up until very recently, I, too, would find this phrase slipping past my therapeutically pursed lips. When I was not uttering this incantation, I would hear my clients say it with more than just a hint of self-deprecation, as in, “I know I should let this go, but I can’t.”

Recently, I had a professional epiphany as a result of the very personal experience of being a cancer survivor. Four years into cancer recovery, I found that I was still trying to figure out how to let go of the notion of being a cancer patient. This experience was being led by the four horsemen of psychological suffering—grief, stress, trauma, and anxiety—and I could tell they were still in the driver’s seat.

Then, one day, it happened. I noticed a space where once there was only a crowd of fears. I didn’t remember dropping anything, there was no emotional exorcism of the cancer-induced demons; there was just a gap, a silence, and a peace.

With this new perspective, it occurred to me that the reason we can’t make ourselves let go is that it is not a process in and of itself, it is the result of earlier actions. In the same way that the garden grows from our having tilled, fertilized, and watered, letting go is the fruit of awareness, acknowledgment, and acceptance. It is within the nature of all things to move on; however, there is clinginess to the human condition that often seeks to delay this inevitability.

Imagine the ripened apple trying to resist the pull of gravity.  It would be sheer apple madness to try and hang on. As far as we know, apples don’t have that choice. The human dilemma is that we do, and as a result we end up cycling through the seasons withering rather than risking renewal.

Since it’s certain that, despite our efforts, our own personal day of harvest by the Grim Reaper will arrive, why not willingly enter into a new relationship with life?  What if we became aware of what was happening inside of us, acknowledged that it was an internal experience that was causing the suffering, and accepted that whatever happened or is happening could not have happened otherwise? The answer is that when we become aware of our attachments, acknowledge that they are creating our suffering, and accept their impermanence, we find that, even in spite of the self that still feels the need to hang on, we move into the state that Thich Nhat Hanh calls Letgo. This is not a state of doing, but one of being, and in that state there is a space that surrounds our suffering, and in that space there is peace.

I often hear from people who have gone through great personal challenges, both mental and physical, that they have no idea how they did it. They will often look back with amazement on their certainty at the start that they would never make it. This has been my personal experience as a cancer survivor, and the wisdom I share with my clients who are struggling with letting go. My new catchphrase is, “Let go of your need to let go, pay attention to what is happening now, and life will move on, you cannot stop it.”  Not as pithy as “Hang in there, baby,” but much more useful.


Practice

We’re More Like Teflon Than We Think . . .

  1. Take a moment to reflect on all of the things in your life you have already let go of.  Feel free to start with no longer sleeping in a crib.
  2. Realize that even on a good day your conscious attention catches only a tiny fraction of what is going on.
  3. Accept small things first. The traffic jam, the rained-out picnic, and the countless things that frustrate and annoy are all opportunities to practice acceptance.
  4. Be mindful of the times you pick an old burden back up. Notice when that old resentment arises, and ask if you really want it renting space in your head.
  5. If you find that you have become flypaper and everything seems to stick, it might be time for professional help. If you really want to flex your acceptance muscle, accept that you might need the help of a trusted other.

The Best Explanation of DST

My friend Donna Henes has studied the seasons for decades. Here’s her brilliant take on Daylight Savings Time.

 

Saving Daylight

by Donna Henes, Urban Shaman

Don’t forget to set your clocks ahead one hour tonight. 

Why do we do this?

Light equals life. It is precious and we are loath to lose it. Not that the dark does not bring its own healing, life-enhancing atmosphere, but after the long pitch of winter, we are eager, anxious, impatient for more light. Nature knows that and obliges.

The worst of the dark is long over. The Winter Solstice is as dark as it gets and the light has been returning in tiny, almost imperceptible increments ever since. Creeping back by a minute each morning and evening, it has been getting lighter earlier and staying light later. The change is not as slow as it sometimes seems. 2 minutes a day x 7 days = 14 minutes a week x 4 = nearly an hour a month x 3 months = 3 hours from winter to spring.

The length of day is determined by the rotation of the Earth around its axis and it is always the same – 86,000 seconds. Which translates as 1,433.333 minutes, or 23.888 hours in a day. Clearly chaos would erupt if people tried to use a clock based on a 52.8-minute hour. In order to establish any sort of standardized time, it was necessary to round off the numbers and create a day of 24 hours, which could then be easily divided into an even number of hours and minutes.

The length of a day is always (with the exception of occasional leap seconds) 24 hours long everywhere on Earth, but the length of daylight changes according to latitude. On the equator, it never varies too far from 12 hours of light and 12 hour of dark each day, year round. At the poles, it is light for 6 months and dark for 6 months with only two sunrises per year. In the northern and southern hemispheres, the light season transforms gradually into the dark, and the dark into the light. But every place on the planet experiences an near equal amount of light and dark overall averaged over a year – approximately 12 hours of each – at the equator, half of every day, and everywhere else, half of every year.

While the measure of the length of a day, an hour, a minute have been manipulated for the convenience of human society, the length of daylight during any 24-hour period is fixed and cannot be tampered with. However, we have figured out a way to ensure that we are able to make the best of the light that we have. Light, after all, is too precious to squander. Too expensive to do without.

This notion did not escape the notice of the notoriously frugal Benjamin Franklin. In a moment of whimsy, he wrote An Economical Project, a discourse on the thrift of natural versus artificial lighting. On a trip to Paris he noticed that even though the sun rose at 6 AM, the Parisians rose at noon, which meant that they slept through six hours of sunlight and stayed up until late, burning the midnight oil, as it were, since they spent their 6-hour evenings by candlelight. When he calculated the number of Parisians by the number of pounds of tallow they used by the number of hours they burned their candles, he was appalled. Why not just get up earlier and enjoy the light? This audacious insight was the seed of the concept of Daylight Savings.

 DST 2  

The idea was first advocated seriously by London builder William Willett in his 1907 pamphlet, Waste of Daylight, that proposed advancing clocks 20 minutes on each of four Sundays in April, and turning them back by the same amount on four Sundays in September. He wrote, “Everyone appreciates the long, light evenings. Everyone laments their shortage as autumn approaches; and everyone has given utterance to regret that the clear, bright light of an early morning during spring and summer months is so seldom seen or used.”

It took World War I to make the scheme of saving daylight a reality. In an effort to conserve the fuel needed to produce electric power, Germany and Austria took the initiative to advance the clock an hour at 11:00 PM on April 30, 1916, until the following October. Other countries immediately adopted this action: Belgium, Denmark, France, Italy, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Sweden, Turkey, and Tasmania. Nova Scotia and Manitoba adopted it as well, with Britain following suit three weeks later. In 1917, Australia and Newfoundland began saving daylight, followed by the United States in 1918.

During World War II, President Franklin Roosevelt instituted year-round Daylight Saving Time, called “War Time,” from February 9, 1942 to September 30, 1945. In Britain, the benefits of Daylight Savings Time or Summer Time were doubled during World War II, when the Brits put their clocks two hours ahead of GMT, creating Double Summer Time. During the war winters, clocks remained one hour ahead of GMT.

Daylight Savings Time is thought to be an effective way to cut back on the use of energy. The theory is that energy use and the demand for electricity for lighting homes is directly related to the times when people go to bed at night and rise in the morning. In the average home, 25 percent of electricity is used for lighting and small appliances, such as TVs and stereos. A good percentage of energy consumed by lighting and appliances occurs in the evening when families are home. By moving the clock ahead one hour, the amount of electricity consumed each day decreases.

 DST 1`

The Energy Policy Act of 2005 extended Daylight Saving Time in the U.S. starting in 2007 by beginning DST three weeks earlier in the spring and one week later in the autumn giving us more of a good thing. It is a small, frugal contribution to the grand goal of energy conservation. Ben would be proud.